A Day in the Mind of Me

I am conflicted; yet do not know if my confliction is justified. Then why do I feel the way I do?

I know I have made errors and will continue to do so, but to err is human.

When I think of the problem in my life, I realize that the problems I face are wonderful problems.

Let me begin:

I have nearly been kicked out of school program and lost my job, twice. But, it is only because I have made it as far as I have, academically, that I have been able to err in this way. Working towards a Masters degree is a blessing not a curse!

I was two weeks late in sending close friend a gift for their Bat Mitzvah. But, it is only because I have made such wonderful friends in the Jewish community that I am able to err in this way. The friends I have are blessings not curses!

I upset colleagues, friends and room mates around me on a daily/weekly basis. But, it is only because I am lucky enough to have such people in my life. These people are all blessings not curses!

I have the most amazing girlfriend, who is more that 7,100 miles away from me, that I am unable to see or touch whenever I want. But, it is only because I went to the best Jew-camp in Texas (Greene Family Camp) that I was able to meet her. She is a blessing not a curse!

I have parents who I love that have, questionably, terminal illnesses. But, it is only because I have the loving parents I do. My parents are blessings not curses!

Computers that won’t compute, toys that are no fun, tools that break, clothing that wears, cars that cost money, houses which require upkeep…all of these things are the “extras” in life and are not needed. However, they are apart of my world and make up who I have become. Why are these “extras” so weighed down with unforeseen problems?

I know that there is no one else who is responsible for my actions. This being said, why do I find myself in these positions? Why do I turn these blessings into curses? Why have I not yet learned from my mistakes? Or have I? Is this why I am able to recognize the errors of my ways? Perhaps.

I would love nothing more that to do everything in my power to remedy these situations and to prevent them from ever happening again. Am I capable of doing such? Or, will I always make mistakes I will regret? If I am to make mistakes for the rest of my life that I will regret, how may I better live with myself? How may I better understand my own actions? Are there underlying motivations to my ways that even I have not yet discovered? If so, are they for good or bad?

If only someone could answer these questions for me!

I am willing to recognize that it is only I who is capable of answering these questions for me. But when, Ted, when will you answer (for) yourself?

I am such a fortunate individual to find myself in this situation. I would not take back any moment of my life; ever. I want to continue living the life I have been granted. I do not want to stop living for the life I have ahead of myself. I do not know will happen next, and that frightens and excites me, equally, and at the same time.

I strive to be different, just as everyone does. I want to be great, and feel in some ways I already am. I want to change the world, and I know that through my existence I already have. But why? Why is life so hard?

I have been told by people wiser that me that, “The great things in life don’t come cheap.” Perhaps this “cost” they were referring to is confusion, misery, mystery or unanswerable questions. Oh, what torment!

Through all of my conflicts, justified or not, I have found only one universal truth; by exploring my own personal needs, desires and fears I am able to feel better about myself. I am able reflect upon my own life, learn from the world around me and grow into a more effective human being and enjoy every last bit of it.

Regardless of everything; I am myself and nothing can take that from me.

This is a fact.

This is what I live for.

This is what I love.

This is life.

Missed Time

205 days have gone by since my last post.

Now, I sit on my younger brother's futon in Lawrence, KS while on break between semesters.

I have so much to say; so much to explain.

I have a girlfriend.

I nearly lost my job.

I live in a new house.

I care for a centipede.

All these stories, and more, shall be explained in the next installment* of:

The Road to Smart



* I promise it will be sooner than the last!

Nice Shirt, Nice Pants and an Office; What Happened to Me?

I have just finished my first week as a graduate student; and I am still alive.

In addition, I have just finished my first week as a graduate assistant; yes, I am now a teacher.

My life is changing and it is for the better. However, had you asked me 5 years ago if I would be waking up at 6am to put on some nice clothes, leave the house by 6:45 so that I make to my 8am Architectural Design class only to help teach, I would have said, "No."

But, I must say I do enjoy it. I have an office on the forth floor of Texas State's new R.F. Mitte Technology building overlooking all of campus and eastern San Marcos. I am even on salary! All of which, is new to me.

Aside from the graduate assistant ship, graduate classes pose a new challenge in life, too. This semester I am enrolled in the following:

Data Acquisition and Analysis
Semiconductor Manufacturing Technology
Environmental Ethics

All three of the courses I find very intriguing (even the data analysis class, for some reason). The semiconductor class has to be the coolest, though, only because I will fabricate my own processor chip by the end of the semester. Not to say that Env Ethics and Data Analysis won't be fun, because they will, but getting to design and build my own processor sounds so much more fascinating!

As for now, I must enjoy my weekend.

Today Was A Long Day

I turned in my Legal Ethics paper on Monday of this week. I have no more school work except for finals. I am quite relieved and exhausted.

To explain my exhaustion I will share what happened to me after getting home from school today.

I arrived home slightly after 6pm after purchasing nearly 1 gallon of various energy drinks. I don't know if they actually work but I insist on drinking them anyway. After parking, unloading and putting away the drinks I used the toilet.

Then, I woke up.

I was lying on my back in the middle of my game room floor. My cat was sitting my chest purring. I was very confused. I did not recall falling asleep or even finishing up what I had started in the bathroom. Evidently I had and managed to make it out of the bathroom only to fall asleep on the floor in front of me. Needless to say, I was tired.

Now, I am still tired; but that's what the energy drinks are for.

When Writing an Ethics Paper is Procrastination My Friend or Foe?

Well, I should be working on my paper write now, but I'm not.

I have a Legal Ethics paper due on November 27 and my professor, Dr. Hinkley, has given the class a list of possible topics. They are as follows:

1) Sexual Harassment
2) Whistle Blowing
3) Legal Advertising
4) Defending the Guilty
5) Prosecuting the Innocent
6) Legal Billing (lawyers' fees)
7) The Adversarial System
8) Class Action Lawsuits
9) Silent Settlements
10) Zealous Advocacy
11) You can also address a case that you find in the news.

I am not entirely certain what my thesis will be but would like it focus of Prosecuting the Innocent. In particular, I want to discuss the problems that arise within the judicial system when it is realized that an innocent person has been persecuted, imprisoned or even put to death. The death penalty is the reason I want to discuss the Prosecution of the Innocent.

I believe, and know for a fact, that people make mistakes. I am also aware of the fact that many people do not like to admit their mistakes. However, if mistake is made of killing an innocent person in the name of justice we have gone too far.

Some questions I will be addressing:

- How can you right that situation? Is it even possible?
- If someone is found guilty for murder and is put to death and we later find out that they were innocent, are we not then considered murderers? If so, do we deserve to be put to death, too?
- If we, as a society, allow for the death penalty and innocent people have been put to death then is not the entire society guilty of murder?
- Should the death penalty not be allowed only because of the possibility that we may charge an innocent person with it?
- Is the entire judicial system at fault when an innocent person is found guilty?
- Is the sentence, or the death penalty, at fault when someone is sentenced to death who never committed a crime?
- How do we make sure that someone who is innocent is found not guilty?

These, and others, are some of the excitingly fun leading questions that one gets to ask when dealing with extremes found within our judicial system. These are the kinds questions that I like to try and answer.

But for now...I must finish posting this blog entry and go back to writing my paper.


p.s. - i'm still not sure if procrastination is my friend or foe.

Under the Texas Weather

Well...I'm sick; and I don't like it. I, however, am not to blame. If one wants to know what made me sick all that need be done is look up.

Texas Weather is my enemy.

It is November, which means Winter for most of the northern hemisphere; everywhere but Texas. Not one week ago it was in the mid-60s during the days and 50s during the nights. It was perfect. But that was all ruined when Texas Weather decided to have another record breaking day; 91 degrees in November. Global Warming and El Nino can't even give reason for this absurdity!

It is because Texas Weather can not make up it's mind that I am suffering. Stupid, stupid weather. Stay hot or stay cold but don't jump back-and-forth; it's just not fair.

On the plus side, I do have my store-brand meds to help me make it through the day. Since, as you all know, I am a grad student the prices they affix to Vick's and Cold-Eeze brands are too high I must settle for the Walgreen's store-brand. But the joke is on Vick's and Cold-Eeze because little do they know that the Walgreen's brands work just as well on me!! I shall never spend the extra dollar on Vick's or Cold-Eeze ever again (find another fool to sucker in)!!!

And the Food is Great, Too

The rumors are true; graduate students do eat great!

Just today, I created the most sensatiable sensation; bacon and matzah ball soup!! (and no, they were not mixed together)

I know, I know...it doesn't sound that great, but it is. Just take a look at the picture.

In fact, the bacon and matzo ball soup play off of each other quite well. The matzo ball soups is delicious, light and soft. Where as the bacon has a powerful and delightful crunch to it. Where the matzo ball soup leaves off the bacon picks up! The two were born for each other!

Now, I realize that there will be those of you who are thinking, "Aren't you Jewish? How can you be eating bacon?? And how much irony is there involved in this food combination??? Could it not be considered a blatant ruining of matzo ball soup by eating it with bacon????"

It is true; I am Jewish. But, if the rules of Kashrut were up to me, then bacon would be kosher since it is sooooo delicious. As for the combination and the possibility of bringing shame to the matzo ball soup, well that is just ridiculous. Everyone knows that matzo ball soup is the ultimate food and could never be ruined by another!

So, I recommend to you this wonderful food combination. I must now indulge myself since the smell has now captivated my complete attention. Grad school students eat great!

2 More Years...

Yesterday, on November 7th, 2006 I was told by the Graduate College's admissions office at Texas State University that I was in; it was official. I had been accepted into graduate school. The degree I have set out to earn is my Master's of Science in Industrial Technology.


It was then that my life began as a Graduate Student.

Since then I have discussed the possibility of becoming a Graduate Assistant with my graduate advisor, Dr. Andy Batey. The position looks very promising and may even allow me to teach my own class in one years time. If I get the job I will be able to work along side a buddy of mine that I met at teleNetwork, Andy Grimmer. Also, I have signed up for the first graduate courses, which include:

TECH 5387; Planning Advanced Technology Facilities
TECH 5392; Fundamentals of VLSI Fabrication
PHIL 5323; environmental Ethics

Those will be my first classes as a graduate student; I am quite excited. The two TECH courses will be very interesting, especially the VLSI class which will include the fabrication of my own integrated circuit! (by the way, i'm a dork) The ethics course will also be very cool especially since I have studied under the professor, Dr. Audrey McKinney, before.

So off I go, into the world of graduate student-ness. Wish me luck!